The Other Side of the Bed
by The True Fabulous KillJoy
Summary: Caitlin and Barry's story, from the time they fell in love until the time they said goodbye for the last time.


Caitlin stood at the grave. She was wearing her little black dress, again. She never thought she would get more than one wear out of it. Now, this was the third time she was wearing it, standing over a grave. His grave.

After Ronnie died the first time, Caitlin didn't see the point of living. The first person that really made her feel alive had died. She wore a little black dress, one Ronnie said he loved on her, as they lowered Ronnie's empty casket to the ground, she felt like she would never be happy again. Then she met Barry. Barry, with his clumsiness and awkward charm had been just what Caitlin. Barry was so genuine with in everything he did. When she was finally ready to continue on with her life after Ronnie, Barry was there to take every step with her. He was her best friend.

Then Ronnie was alive, and Caitlin couldn't have been happier. Well, if Ronnie wasn't one half of a meta-human it would have been nice but at least he was alive. That's all that mattered. Then Caitlin had her fiancé back, and a new best friend she could count on.

Then she lost Ronnie again. She had felt something break inside her when the portal exploded, but she wouldn't believe it until she saw it with her own two eyes. The look that Barry gave her just confirmed what she had felt: Ronnie was dead. This time, it was for good. She just crumpled into her best friend's arms, and he held her while she cried. Later that night, when she was home, all she could do was lie there and feel numb. Her and Ronnie never even had the chance to spend their wedding night together. The other side of her bed would remain cold for now, and maybe forever.

When she woke up, she looked around her room. It was empty, like it had been after Ronnie died the first time. It seemed like everything in the past year had all been destroyed by the wormhole.

She got up and walked around her apartment. Everything was the same. Same books on the shelves, same pictures in their frames. It really was just like after Ronnie's death the first time, so why did it feel so much worse. She saw the picture Cisco had taken of her and Ronnie when he had proposed. They were happy and smiling, Caitlin was showing off the ring her had gotten her. It had been so perfect, and it was the perfect moment that had made Caitlin lose control of all of her emotions at that moment.

She threw things, shattered photographs, her research was scattered throughout the room, pillows from her couch were chucked to random places, nothing in the room was safe from her. Eventually, she stopped for a moment, to take a breath and look at the devastation around her. Caitlin looked down and saw a picture. It was of her and Barry, the night she had gotten drunk and they sang together. She never did find out who took the picture or how Barry had gotten it, but she would always look at it fondly. Barry had given it to her as a surprise present about a week after that night. Both of them had smiles of true happiness on their faces. It had been the start of her healing, but now all that healing was gone, and she was left as a broken shell.

She picked up the picture frame, the glass was still intact even after she unleashed her hurricane of disappear on her apartment. Barry, he was probably chatting with Iris, his best friend. Caitlin always remembered that Barry might be her best friend, but Caitlin was not Barry's. Barry was probably comforting Iris over the loss of Eddy, but it was all Barry's fault.

That's right. If Barry had just done what he was supposed to back in the past, Caitlin would still have Ronnie and Iris would still have Eddy. Barry would have his mom back and everyone would be happier. Yes, it was all Barry's fault.

Anger bubbled up in Caitlin as she threw the picture frame harder than anything else she had thrown in her apartment. It made contact with the wall dented it but Caitlin didn't care, and the picture frame shattered. The glass exploded and the frame broke on impact. It didn't make Caitlin feel any better. All it did was break the thoughtful gift Barry had gotten her and made her feel worse.

No, it wasn't Barry's fault Ronnie was gone. Everyone's decisions had been his or her own that day. If she really wanted to put blame on someone, it was Eobard Thawne. He was the reason Ronnie had died, that Barry's mother was dead, that everything horrible that had ever happened to them had happened.

Caitlin couldn't keep the tears in anymore. She sat down in the middle of her destroyed apartment, and cried. She didn't know how long she cried, every time she nearly stopped crying she looked around her apartment, the one she and Ronnie were supposed to live in, and she could only cry harder. Eventually, she fell asleep from the sheer emotional exhaustion.

When she woke up, she was in her bed, firmly tucked in. Caitlin quickly got up to look at her apartment, incase someone broke in and stole something. Why the thief would have carried her to bed never crossed her mind as she noticed the destruction from the other day was mostly cleaned up. Her papers where back on her desk, though out of order and not as neat. The cushions were back on the couch, placed incorrectly, but the person obviously tried. All the picture frames sat on her kitchen table; the glass fragments had been removed so she could touch the pictures. The glass from the night before had been picked up so when she padded across the carpet to the one picture frame that hadn't been picked up she wouldn't cut her feet.

She picked up the broken frame of the picture of her and Barry. It fell apart in her hands and the picture slipped out. Caitlin picked up the picture and inspected it, making sure that it wasn't damaged, when she noticed something on the back. It was a note.

 _Cait,_

 _I wanted to tell you how incredible you are. Losing Ronnie must have been tough, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you._

 _Love,_

 _Barry_

Caitlin clutched the note to her chest. She could feel the tears coming to her eyes again.

It had been Barry who had broken in here, probably to make sure she was all right. He had put her to bed and cleaned up her apartment. He probably found the picture and thought that she blamed him for Ronnie's death. She didn't.

She didn't bury another empty casket for Ronnie. Instead, Dr. Stein arranged a memorial service for him. Caitlin wore the same black dress that she wore to his first funeral; Ronnie had mention how beautiful she always looked in it. Almost everyone came, everyone but Barry.

The next few months were difficult. Caitlin kept trying to get the courage to call Barry, or even text him, but she never could. She found a position at Mercury Labs where she could lose herself in the science all day and not think about Ronnie.

As the months passed, she healed. It was slightly easier because this was the second time Ronnie had died, so she knew what it felt like. But it was harder because this time, she didn't have the support she had before. She didn't talk to Cisco, or anyone this time. She didn't have anyone to confide in anymore.

Caitlin fell into a routine. She would wake up in the morning, make breakfast and prepare for her day at the lab. She would go to work, try to push the boundaries of the modern world, and return home. She had replaced all her picture frames, except one. She had taped the picture frame of her and Barry back together and put it on her nightstand. Every night she would glance at it, pick up her phone to call him, then set it down because she was too much of a coward.

Then Flash Day rolled around. Caitlin thought she could brake from her usual pattern and go, just for a bit. It wasn't as hard as she thought it would be, but once the meta-human attacked she ran away. She couldn't do it, not yet.

It was a surprise for her when Barry showed up at her lab. She couldn't explain the feeling she got when she saw him, but he brought a smile to her face. She hadn't smiled much since Ronnie died, but just seeing Barry changed that.

They watched the video together, and Caitlin returned to Team Flash. Everything was doing well again. Sure, the meta-human attacks and the threat of Zoom made it stressful, and Caitlin always felt terrified when Barry went out to fight, but it was what they did. It was their normal.

She and Barry got closer. In-between patching Barry up after fights and discussing the latest advances in science, going to the bar after work became normal and a fun tradition that Caitlin looked forward to at the end of every work day. Even though Barry couldn't get buzzed anymore, he still sat next to her as she complained about her job at Mercury Labs or discussed theories behind the latest meta-human's powers.

It was one day that changed their entire relationship. Caitlin was patching Barry up after a fight with Captain Cold and Heat Wave, and she noticed that part of Barry's face had frost on it.

"Oh, he got you in the face." She exclaimed, slightly surprised. Usually Barry's mask protected anything from happening to his face.

"Really? At this point I don't know which parts of my body are melted and which parts are frozen." Barry said with a laugh.

Caitlin chuckled and placed her hands on his face.

"Any better?" She said softly. She could feel the hum of electricity that constantly ran throughout Barry pulse against her palms.

"Uhh, yeah." Barry said, quieter than before. She stayed like that for a minute, then removed her hands.

"Let me take a quick look now." Caitlin said, and she leaned closer to Barry to get a better look. What happened next, Caitlin was never able to explain.

Barry leaned forward and kissed her. She was shocked for a moment, then kissed him back. She felt him stand up and deepen this kiss, and it just felt right. She had a similar feeling when she was with Ronnie, but this one was so much better, so much stronger.

They were interrupted when Cisco cleared his throat.

"Do you guys mind not telling Joe for another week? I bet money that you guys wouldn't hook up for another week at least, and I need the time off." Cisco said with a smirk.

Barry and Caitlin just stared at Cisco, who got the message and left. They turned back to each other, but the moment was lost.

"I, uhh, I should probably get back to work. I used my lunch break to patch you up." Caitlin stuttered out and all but fled the lab.

Barry kissed her. Not only that, she kissed him back. Oh shit, then she practically ran away. What must Barry think of her now? Caitlin hadn't kissed anyone since Ronnie died the first time; she never counted when Fake Barry kissed her. She was such coward, and she was so distracted by her thoughts that she nearly missed her bus stop. But as she got to work, she felt off. There was a feeling in her chest. She had felt something similar with Ronnie, but this felt so much stronger.

The next day when she returned to S.T.A.R. Labs, this time after work, Barry wasn't there. She couldn't help but feel slightly relieved. Cisco and Dr. Stein were there, and Caitlin didn't know if she could have acted normally around them if Barry had shown up.

"Hey Caitlin, that meta-human DNA you were working on yesterday, did you get that analyzed?" Dr. Stein asked.

"I, uhh, I, uhh, didn't get around to it." Caitlin stuttered out.

"She was a bit busy with Barry." Cisco told him, a smirk on his face. Caitlin glared at him.

"Well Barry did get pretty banged up in his fight yesterday. Can you analyze it soon? I need the results to see if my hypothesis is correct." Dr. Stein told her, turning back to his work.

"Yeah, I will get right on it." Caitlin said, scampering away. She began her tests and sat back just as a gust of wind blew into her office.

"Hey." Barry said, nervously.

"Hey." Caitlin replied. He stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"Look I just want to say one thing, then hopefully we can go back to normal." Barry said. Caitlin didn't move, but she wondered if they ever could go back to normal. Not with the way she was feeling.

"I blame myself for Ronnie's death. I know you don't, but I do. When I came to check on you after he died and saw your apartment, I thought you did too. So I tried to keep my distance. In the few months after the wormhole incident, I tried so many times just to text you, but I could never find the courage. I would just pick up my phone every night, but I would always set it down. When we finally talked after so many months of not seeing each other, you were so kind and understanding about everything. Seeing you again, after everything, and realizing that you didn't actually blame me, it felt like the sky had been lifted off my shoulders. And after that, I couldn't help but fall in love with you. You are such an incredible, smart, funny, and strong woman, and I never felt like I deserved you. Yesterday, its something I've been wishing I had the courage for a while now. I really like you Cait, but if you don't feel the same way, I am okay with just remaining as friends. We could still grab a drink after work and talk, just like we used to. I don't want this to change anything, I just needed to tell you."

Caitlin was speechless. Barry had just poured his heart out to her, and she felt something snap inside her. All she could do was stand there in shock though.

"Caitlin? Can you say something?" Barry asked, looking really nervous. That snapped Caitlin out of her shock.

"Do you want me to go cause I can-"

"Shut up." Caitlin said, then pulled Barry close to her and kissed him. She didn't know how long the kiss was, but it didn't matter. It felt right, being in Barry's arms, him holding her gently yet firmly as they kissed. If this was a movie or a television show, this would be about the time the cheesy music would be playing and the credits would go up.

"So this is what you meant when you said she was busy with Barry yesterday." Dr. Stein's voice came in suddenly.

Barry and Caitlin broke apart to see Cisco and Dr. Stein standing at the entrance to Caitlin's lab. Cisco had a smirk on his face and Dr. Stein had the look of a scientist who was making an observation.

"What are you guys doing?" Barry asked awkwardly.

"Oh, we needed to see if the samples Caitlin was working with were done, and Mr. Ramon wanted to run a few tests on Mr. Allen." Dr. Stein said simply, as though he hadn't just interrupted a moment.

"Samples are being processed, they should be done in a few minutes." Caitlin told him, hoping to get the other two out so she and Barry could be together, alone, for a little bit.

"Alright, just bring them up to me when you can. Come on Mr. Ramon, I believe you need to tell a certain detective that you lost a bet." Dr. Stein said, steering a still grinning Cisco away from the two.

"Oh come on! I need the time off to go to comic con!" Cisco protests could be heard after they left.

Caitlin and Barry turned back to each other, shared a look, and were intrupted again by the computer beeping.

"The samples are done processing. I need to get the results to Dr. Stein." Caitlin said.

"Oh yeah." Barry said, taking a small step away from Caitlin so she could get to her computer. "But, let says we continue this later, say dinner? Pick you up at eight?"

"Sounds perfect." Caitlin said with a smile. Barry flashed her a smirk, then flashed out of her lab.

The next year was perfect. Barry defeated Zoom several months after they had started dating. He was still fighting meta-humans, which always gave her a small fear that he wouldn't return, but Barry wasn't Ronnie. Barry always came back.

Barry proposed on their one-year anniversary. They were eating dinner at the restaurant where they had their first date. Barry didn't even stutter as he told her how much he loved her. That's how she knew Barry loved her. Not through his words, but because whenever he was confident in what he was saying, he never stuttered. She said yes and kissed him passionately.

At the wedding, Cisco was his best man, and Felicity was her maid-of-honor. They got married at a park, surrounded by the people who cared about them and the superhero friends they made. Joe had convinced Captain Singh to increase patrol cars that day so Barry would need to rush out during his own wedding.

The party was legendary. Oliver and his wife Felicity's wedding present to the couple was to pay for the entire event. That meant open bar, at which Barry was carded for, and great music. Friends dancing and drank the night away, leaving an always sober Barry to rush people home before he could finally peck his bride on the check and take a taxi to the air port, where Thea's present had been a vacation to Europe for two weeks, all expenses paid. Dr. Stein and Jax came back from their training to watch over the city while Barry was away. F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. protected the city while Barry was away.

Of course, when they returned, there was a new villain to fight and there were always meta-humans who were going rogue. That was okay though, that was their normal. This was their life together, fighting meta-humans, saving the city, and going home after long day together. It was stressful, dangerous at times, but neither of them would trade it for the world. It was all worth it when Caitlin would see Barry speed in after a successful battle, and he would literally sweep her off her feet to go home. Caitlin was happy. This was her life, with Barry always rushing around saving people, and always coming home to her.

Until the day he didn't.

It was a Tuesday. They had been married for just over a year, and Caitlin had just received some news that she was waiting to tell Barry that night. She was working at her lab, barely concentrating from excitement, when she got the call from Cisco.

"Hey Cisco! I should be done running this test soon, so I might get to S.T.A.R. Labs early today. Is everything okay?" Caitlin answered her phone cheerily.

"Caitlin, you need to get down here now." Cisco voice came from the other end, serious and emotionless. That made Caitlin pause.

"Cisco what happened? Is Barry alright?" Caitlin asked hurriedly.

"Please, just come down here." Cisco said, and something had broken in his voice.

Caitlin was out the door less than a minute later, hoping into a cab and telling the driver to drive as fast as he could to S.T.A.R. Labs. She sprinted towards the elevator and down the halls to the cortex. She burst in to see Joe holding a crying Iris, Dr. Stein sitting in the corner looking shell shocked, and Cisco sitting at the command center, tears running down his face. The one person she didn't see was Barry.

"What happened?" Caitlin screamed. The faces in the room turned to her, and the looks of pity and sadness she received were ones she was familiar with.

"No." She whispered. Not Barry. Not after Ronnie dying twice, not after Barry promised her that he wasn't Ronnie. This wasn't happening.

"Barry was fighting a meta-human with super strength." Dr. Stein began. "We told him to wait for back up, but Barry said that he could take care of it. The meta knocked him into a wall, and that wall wasn't structurally sound. He flew into it, and it collapsed part of the building. Barry was disoriented, too disoriented that when the wall came down, it came down right on top of him. It crushed his skull."

"But it's Barry, he has super human recovery. It could have repaired himself." Caitlin said desperately.

"That would only work if the electricity were still running. When the wall collapsed, it severed the nerves that connected his brain to the rest of the body. The electricity that gave Barry his super powers was connected to the electricity in his brain. That was always why Barry could always view things as so slow, the electricity in his brain was sped up, allowing him to process things faster. When it was cut off, so was his healing. I'm sorry Caitlin, but he was probably killed instantly." Dr. Stein explained in a robotic voice.

"But it's Barry." Caitlin said, her voice breaking. "Every day he comes through that door, picks me up, and we go home. It was my turn to make dinner; I was going to make his favorite. He was going to do the dishes. We were going to watch a movie. I was going to tell him that I-"

Caitlin collapsed on the floor crying. This wasn't like when Ronnie died, this was so much worse. And this time, there was no Barry to pull her into a hug, to comfort her, because he was gone.

She felt someone's arms wrap around her. She didn't know whose. All she could tell was that they weren't Barry's. The arms weren't thrumming with the electricity that Caitlin always felt coursing through him, just under his skin.

She cried. Maybe this was her fate. Every time she fell in love, the man always died. Maybe she was just born to be alone.

The next week was a numb blur for her. She didn't know who took care of the arrangements for the wake and funeral; all she knew was that each day she would wake up alone. The other side of her bed was cold again, and it would always remain that way.

The one decision she made was to tell the city who the Flash had really been. She wanted Barry to be honored for his heroic efforts. Iris wrote the article, although Caitlin knew it had been tough for her.

Mercury Labs told her to take as much time as she needed off. They reinforced this when Iris's article came out, because everyone there had known how much Caitlin had loved Barry. He had been a familiar face to pick her up for lunch at least once a week. Barry had been well liked at Mercury Labs, he would be found chatting to anybody that passed by while he waited for Caitlin. Everyone who knew Barry would say that he was a kind, intelligent young man who loved Caitlin with all his heart.

The police department put Barry's picture on the wall honoring fallen police officers. He had never been actually on the force, but of course he was well liked at work. His death his the station hard, and the fact that he was the Flash, helping out officers in the line of duty without any recognition, made them miss him even more.

The city was designing a stature and garden area in a park as a memorial to Barry. It was all for the man that had sped around their city, saving it more times than they could count.

But this didn't matter to Caitlin. Barry was dead.

She still had to show up at Barry's funeral, a small service with only close family and friends. It was a beautiful day, which Caitlin didn't know if she hated or liked. It was perfect weather, sunny with a few fluffy white clouds floating in the sky. There was an occasional breeze floating through the somber party, but Caitlin could hardly feel it. She couldn't really feel anything anymore.

She never saw Barry's body. She didn't want to. She wanted to remember him how he was the last time he saw her. They walked, yes walked, to work that day. Barry dropped her off at the front of Mercury Labs, pecked her on the lips and told her that he would see her later that night. She smiled at him, he always had a smile on, and watched him speed off towards S.T.A.R. Labs to help Cisco or fight whatever crime had occurred in the city that day.

The wake had been closed casket. Caitlin didn't want to think about how Barry's body looked when it had been crushed. The casket itself was a deep red, with a gold lightning bold on it. She didn't know how the makers did it, but she didn't care. He shouldn't have had to use that for another sixty years.

They buried him where the memorial was going to be built. Caitlin wanted it to be a place where people could come and learn about the man who saved their lives over and over again. The man who started as just an ordinary forensic assistant, and eventually became a hero

Caitlin watched as they lowered the casket into the ground. She was wearing the same black dress she had for both of Ronnie's deaths, and now Barry's. Barry had commented how she looked amazing in it, so it seemed fitting. Although now, Caitlin vowed she would never wear this dress again. Two men had called her beautiful in it, and now they were both dead. They were never coming back.

When the casket was set into the ground, Caitlin watched silently as people filled the hole. She could vaguely hear the people crying around her, but all she could focus on was the thumbs of dirt that were slowly covering the body of the man she loved.

She vaguely remembered Dr. Stein guiding her home after the funeral. She entered her apartment and went to her room. She immediately changed out of her black dress and into sweatpants and one of Barry's old shirts. It still smelled like him.

She sat on a chair by the window and put her head against it. Night was beginning to take over the city, and she could hear the screams of police sirens and the honking of cars that always seemed to be there.

 _Could you be quiet for once!_ Caitlin wanted to scream at them. _Barry is dead! My husband, your savoir, is gone! He is never coming back! The man that risked his life every day to make sure that you get to go home to your families will never again come home to his!_

Of course she could never say that.

"Caitlin." A woman's voice came from the door to her room. Caitlin pulled her head off the window and looked at Mrs. Stein standing there, wearing an old apron.

"Dinner is almost ready. Please come out of this room to eat tonight." Mrs. Stein pleaded. Caitlin just nodded and Mrs. Stein left.

The Steins were staying with her for now. Caitlin hadn't felt like eating, cleaning, or doing anything since she heard the news. If it wasn't for them, Caitlin might have been buried alongside Barry today.

But she couldn't be. She had to keep surviving, keep moving forward. It was just so hard to continue on without Barry.

Caitlin's hands drifted to her stomach. It was still as flat as it had always been, but eventually it would get bigger. When the doctor had given her the news that she was pregnant with Barry's child, she couldn't have been happier. That was going to be one of the best days of her life, until it was one of the worst. She would have to raise their child alone. Their child would grow up hearing stories about their father, but never get to actually meet him.

Something in her chest broke. She had thought her heart couldn't be broken anymore, but it turns out it could be. She couldn't cry anymore, she just felt so broken without Barry. She felt so broken that their child would grow up without a father. Barry wouldn't be there to play catch with their child, wouldn't be there to pretend to chase them around their home, and pretend to be defeated when their child would pounce on him. If they had a girl, Barry wouldn't be there to be over protective for every boy, or girl, their daughter dated. Or if they had a son, Barry wouldn't be there to be the manly advice he would need. Barry would be there to see their child be born. She would have to do this alone.

Caitlin removed her hand from her stomach. It drifted to the window and landed on the cool glass surface. Frost began to spread from her hand, but Caitlin barely registered it. The frost spreading over the window looked like broken pieces of glass. It reflected how she felt right now, broken and cold.

"Caitlin, dinner! Please come out here." Mrs. Stein called from the other room.

Caitlin drew her hand back from the window and got up from the chair. The frost faded when she removed her hand, and Caitlin should have rushed into the other room to show Dr. Stein. But she didn't. She didn't have to motivation. She didn't even know if she could return back to work ever. She no longer had the need to constantly push the envelope and discover new things like most scientists did.

"Oh, Caitlin, thank you for joining us." Mrs. Stein said when Caitlin emerged.

She sat down at the table, the table where she and Barry had shared so many meals together, sitting in comfortable silence or in heated conversations. Now Dr. and Mrs. Stein sat with her, trying to get her to speak.

Most nights, Caitlin would eat whatever was on her plate, nod in thanks to Mrs. Stein, and return to her room. That's exactly what she did tonight.

She returned to her room, climbing into bed, and gazed at her nightstand. It had three pictures on it. The first one was of her and Barry kissing on their wedding day. The next one was a selfie that Cisco had taken while trying out his selfie stick. It had Caitlin, Cisco, Iris, Joe, Dr. Stein, and Barry smiling in the cortex of S.T.A.R. Labs. The last one was in a beat up frame that hand been poorly taped together. It was the one of her and Barry singing at the bar.

Caitlin turned away from the nightstand to face the other side of her bed. The side where she could wake up in the middle of the night and gaze at Barry's sleeping baby face. He always looked so peaceful sleeping.

His body would heat up the entire bed, which was great for cuddle time during the winter, but in the summer they agreed to fall asleep holding hands. Not anymore though.

Now it would remain cold in the winter, and empty in the summer. That side of her bed would never be filled again.


End file.
